4 Small Things to Appreciate Youself

Posted by Antoinette R. Banks | Posted in | Posted on Monday, February 22, 2010



I challenge you to shower yourself with love.

1. Get your nails done!
2. Get your hair done!
3. Take a bubble and surround yourself with candles!
4. Buy yourself fresh flowers.

Come on ladies!! Take care of yourself and feel fabulous for it. This weekend I am going to the spa...and taking time to pamper me. Let me know if you want to come with :-)

Dateless for Valentine's Day

Posted by Antoinette R. Banks | Posted in | Posted on Friday, February 12, 2010



So...at first I was highly peeved at the fact that I'll be dateless on Valentine's day. To top it off we've even got a date movie out appropriately titled, "Valentine's Day Movie." I typically like V day, because I'm a cheesy romanticist that can't stop daydreaming about a prince charming.

There are so many ideologies surrounding V day. The Huffington Post illustrates that One legend says that a Roman emperor banned soldiers from marrying in the third century, but St. Valentine took issue with this. He became an advocate for soldiers and was executed as a result of his outspokenness. Another legend says St. Valentine was executed for his beliefs in Christianity and just before he died, he left a farewell note for a loved one and signed it "From Your Valentine."

A conventional and widely accepted belief about the holiday itself is that Valentine's Day grew out of a Middle Ages tradition of celebrating Feb. 14 as the day "the birds began to pair." History.com notes that February has long been associated with being a month of love, and Feb. 15 was celebrated in ancient times as a fertility festival.

Needless to say...I am in love with the idea of love. I have asked my 3 year old to be my Valentine as we go get some fabulous lunch and fresh flowers together...maybe even her first pedicure. LOL And when she goes to bed, I'll be drinking something red with a summer salad trying not to cry as I watch Chocolat.

I am and will always be in love with "LOVE."

Word of the Day!! (Day 10)

Posted by Antoinette R. Banks | Posted in | Posted on Wednesday, February 10, 2010




According to Merriam Webster, The Word of the Day for February 10, 2010 is:

effulgence • \ih-FULL-junss\ noun

meaning: radiant splendor : brilliance

Did you know?

Apparently, English speakers first took a shine to "effulgence" in the middle of the 17th century; that's when the word was first used in print in our language. "Effulgence" derives from the Latin verb "fulg─ôre," which means "to shine."

The task today: use effulgence to describe yourself sometime today in a conversation. (Which correspondes with #7 of yesterday's post).

Example Sentence:

The effulgence of my smile this morning, was enough to light up the sky. (Corny...but I love it!!)

Talk to you soon!

How to Love Yourself

Posted by Antoinette R. Banks | Posted in | Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010



Kali Munroe, a Psychotherapist, offers a few tips on Resources to Healing.

1. Ask for a list of things people like about you.

Sometimes it can be hard to find things we like or love about ourselves. So -- ask other people to tell you all the things they like about you. Ask a friend, a lover, a therapist. This isn't a replacement for your own love; it's a first step in learning to love yourself. You may need to hear the things other people like about you before you can value them in youself.

2. Make a list of the things you like about yourself.

Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Be as honest as you can. Fill a special notebook with your list, or create a set of cards. Make the notebook as beautiful as you can - - make it something that makes you feel good when you look at it. Look at this good-things- about-yourself book as frequently as you can. It may seem silly, but repetition really does make a difference.

3. Love yourself like a friend

Close your eyes and think of a person you deeply love and trust, and who you know loves you as a friend. Think about all the things you love and appreciate about him or her. Notice how that love feels inside you, how it makes you feel good. Now turn it around the other way -- be your friend, feeling that same deep love for you. Trust in their love for you, and just feel it. Let yourself see your self through gentle eyes, with compassion and love the way your friend does, even if you can only do it for a moment.

4. Have compassion for yourself.

If you're feeling really judgemental about something you've done or said, try to understand where the judgement is coming from. Not the immediate, surface answer, but an answer deep down inside you. Are you afraid of something, or are you feeling insecure? It is important to be forgiving of yourself.

5. Recognize that the love has to come from you.

It can be hard to give it to yourself at first -- after all, if you didn't receive love as a child, or if some of that love was torn away from you by violence, self-hate may have built up inside you. But you have the courage and strength to love yourself, if you've survived this long. And you do deserve it!

6. Use Affirmations

Write out strong, loving things to say to yourself, even if you don't fully believe them. Some examples are:
"I utterly and completely deserve love and kindness,"
"I am a very lovable person,"
"I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, and wise." (or subsitute the words for loving words that you feel best suit you.
Now put up those affirmations in places you'll see them every day -- on the fridge, on the bathroom mirror, on your bedside table, next to your favorite chair, on the kitchen wall next to where you cook your food or eat a meal. Don't forget to read them.

7. Counteract Negative or Critical Thoughts About Yourself

Write down all the negative or critical thoughts. See if you can figure out who first said them to you (or said something of that nature). Then write out a response that counteracts each of those messages, one by one. Make the counter messages as strong and loving as you can.

If you're having trouble writing out counter messages, see if you can connect to a deep, wise part inside of you. Or write out what you would say to a friend if a friend said those things about her/himself

8. Do Comforting and Nurturing Things For Yourself

Allow yourself to do comforting and nurturing things for yourself. Let yourself feel how good you feel when you do those things -- and tell yourself that you deserve to feel that way, to feel good. Gradually you'll find that the more nurturing and comforting times you have, the more you'll seek them out -- and they will help build a good feeling inside you.

9. Ask Yourself What You Need to Do

Some of these things will work really well for you, while others may not quite fit you. So try taking a moment to get quiet, and ask yourself, "What can I do to help myself feel more compassion and love toward myself?" Don't force an answer -- just let the answer bubble up from inside you. If you find it hard to hear the answer that way, try writing out your question, and then your answer. See what you come up with. You know best what works for you -- and you have great wisdom inside you.

Above all -- have compassion for yourself and for where you're at. Remember that you are a truly loveable person -- and that you deserve only kind treatment, especially from yourself. :)

Feb 09!

Posted by Antoinette R. Banks | Posted in | Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010



It has been a moment since I responded, but I've been inundated with my e-mails based on the responses. I understand many of you want to communicate directly via e-mail instead of commenting on my blog posts, and that's OK! Just know I may not be able to respond as fast as you would like...but I do want to thank you for joining me in the Month Of Romance!!

Feb 2nd

Posted by Antoinette R. Banks | Posted in | Posted on Tuesday, February 02, 2010



To all my headliner's...How did yesterday's rehearsal go? Were there hiccups along the way? My rehearsal yesterday went a little shaky...

As I was sitting in my bed and writing each name,the tears started falling and I thought to myself, "I deserve more than this." The names I've been called to name a few were: coward, tramp, slut, bitch, idiot, heartless, retard...every name I wrote made me cringe--to took me back to a place that I didn't want to live again. I know I'm being transparent here, but that's the key for growth and development. As I looked back over the list, I thought to myself; "why do we, as woman, give the power to anyone, other than ourselves, to be responsible for our happiness?"

Today's experiment for me and hopefully for you...is to now rewrite the list that you wrote yesterday. Cross out each name and write down a name that represents who you are and where you're going. Take your time to think about it.

Cross out each name--one by one and understand that this word, this label is not one that you will own!!

Let me know how it goes :-)

What's in A Name?--1st Day of A Month of Romance

Posted by Antoinette R. Banks | Posted in | Posted on Monday, February 01, 2010



What's in a name? And what does your name mean to you? Social science research has found that the names we are given at birth carry substantial psychological weight. We learn to define ourselves by the names we are given. But what about a name that a man calls you?

Take for instance, if a man calls you sexy--You feel desirable, wanted and in some cases lustful. A name can define how we act and react.

What about if a man calls you breezy? Or “my girl” instead of woman? Or in worst cases, “stupid,” “retard,”“bitch.” All of these names do not help define the woman or cultivate a woman no matter how playful it is said.

So, for the first day of February, I encourage you to write down everything negative and semi negative that a man has ever called you. Reach back…wayyyyyyyy back. Think about each time you were made to feel less of a woman, less of a wife, less of a girlfriend. Write it all down and store it in a place. You will see what to do with it later.