My Daughter Brought Me Closer to God
Posted by Antoinette R. Banks | Posted in | Posted on Tuesday, December 28, 2010
5
Two years ago on the fourth of July, my daughter brought me closer to God. I remember sitting with my daughter in my lap on the porch with our family watching fireworks light the sky. Each time a firework would go off, my daughter would bury her little face in my neck when the thundering noise would frighten her followed by a quick contradictory laugh.
“Nevaeh,” her uncle called. “Nevaeh, come here…come see what I have.” My daughter looked up to see her uncle holding a streamer. She quickly ran over to take a look. Just then, my neighbor lit a firework, must have been 10 feet away. Within seconds it sounded like a bomb had landed in the front yard…stunned, I looked for Nevaeh and there she was laying face down at the bottom of our concrete stairs. My world stopped. Every thing moved in slow motion. My daughter didn’t just fall down a flight of stairs?! I remember my hands shook uncontrollably as I reached out to pick her up. I slowly turned her over as she gasped and flailed about…frantic for air. Next, she opened her tiny mouth and a piercing cry escaped her lips—a cry I had never heard before.
While my sister drove to the hospital, I was in the back seat frantically trying to calm her. There was blood all over her shirt, everywhere…no matter how much tissue I held to her mouth, it wasn’t enough. She would try to rub her head and I kept saying… “Baby, I wish I could take your pain. I wish you could just give it all to me.” After all, couldn’t I deal with the pain better? Wasn’t I more equipped?
We went through the normal procedures that night. The ER nurse treated her lip and gums that had been split. This is all my fault. I watched as the nurse laid her swaddled body on the hospital bed and followed as they moved her to radiology. This is all my fault. Tears stained my silk blouse as I helplessly watched them give her a CAT Scan. I felt like I had failed as a parent, while feelings of guilt washed over me—This is all my fault.
By the grace of God, they released us within 4 hours. Her test results came back normal and we were prescribed some pretty strong pain relievers for the bump beginning to form on her head as well as proper packing for her mouth. I cried for the 15th time that day and tried to not think about all that could have been.
On the way home, watching my daughter sleep, I began to think about God, Abba—our Father. I began to think about His love...His unyielding and sacrificial love. I began to think about how many times He watched us hurt ourselves in our disobedience and felt pain for us. How God must have wanted to take Jesus’ pain away as he watched His Son on the Cross. How it must have felt to watch His Son experience insurmountable amounts of pain as they nailed His flesh into the wood and placed thorns about His head…as they stabbed his side…How God most have wanted to hold Jesus in His arms …to console Him, to show Him He did not forsake Him that day on Calvary…yet knowing what Jesus’ purpose was, God waited like a parent in a waiting room…
Through my daughter’s pain, I experienced a slight revelation to the personification of our God Almighty, El Shaddai. I began to thank Him like never before. God is not a man where He cannot bare our burdens…where He cannot take our pains…and give us joy. Because what does he say?
Psalm 68:19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Selah
Exodus 18:10 He said, "Praise be to the LORD, who rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians and of Pharaoh, and who rescued the people from the hand of the Egyptians.
1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
Jude 1:24 To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—
Psalm 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
I am enjoying the rollercoaster ride of my faith, and of a being parent. I have hereby humbled myself to lessons learned through the joys of parenthood.
SHALOM.
That's so beautiful!! I just went through so many emotions reading this, and I'm STILL upset with your stupid neighbor!!!!! I think it's absolutely beautiful when we are able to move closer to God through our experiences, it is beautiful that at the end of all of that you felt empathy for our God and gratitude and humility at His greatness!! There is truly so much through parenting that we learn about God, He is after all the original and ultimate Parent. I think you should start a book "Chicken Soup for the Christian Parent's Soul" I'm sure many mothers and Fathers have experienced things with their children that help us to better understand and connect with our Father.
This was so beautifully written. Thanks for sharing!! And Kiss and Hug Nevaeh for me!
@CAS...thank you for sharing! I appreciate it. Funny you mentioned a book, I'm in the process of writing one now...although I hadn't thought of one of those from your perspective.
Thanks again and Happy New Year.
This is good. Really good.
@Canden. Thanks, Sis...I appreciate the feedback.